Self-indulgent meta blog post #1

Man, I can't write anything personal in a blog any more without reading what I just wrote and thinking "Dan you're such a self-indulgent asshole writing about that who cares what the fuck bro fffffff" and then deleting it.

See, even reading that just now made me think that, 'cause that's self-indulgent too. You can't see this probably but I have a special system rigged up so that I can't delete anything in this post, so you're getting a full on blast of unfiltered/unedited words, just like a Henry James novel. Except hopefully it won't make you fall asleep. Unless you like Henry James. If that's the case, then ignore the sentence 1 sentence before this one and substitute it with "Except hopefully you will really enjoy it because Henry James is a good writer."

Alright, so I'm trying to be a good normal internet 21st century person and update regularly again and say insightful things and whatnot and hey. I went back and read my old blog for the first time in a while yesterday. I started it when I was 14 and kept it updated more or less consistently throughout the whole 4 years of high school. Reading it brought back a good deal of memories. It also made me realize what an arrogant little shit I was. Seriously, on behalf of all hormonal angst, I apologize to everyone who knew me at age 14/15/16/17, and probably at scattered moments up into the now as well. I laughed at the stuff I wrote back then, but mostly cringed. Cringed at the whininess, cringed at the dim worldview, cringed at the overtly pompous tone I had in writing damn near everything. Hopefully some of that has changed by now. If not, hopefully it will eventually. And when/if it does, hopefully I will have the objective distance to realize some kind of progress has been made.

DAMN. See, there's the self-indulgence again.

But all cringing aside, I'm kind of glad it's all chronicled there. Even though it burns my eyes, there's still a good deal of life experience preserved there on the interwebs, a lot of which I'm thankful to have a record of - both the good parts and the bad. And I'd like to keep that kind of preservation going right now, although lately I've found that trying to preserve the space-time of your past is kind of pointless, 'cause then it feels like you're trying to quantify the thing itself instead of just enjoy the sensory impression that the thing left.

What else. I just watched the first Hellraiser, something that's been on my to-do list since I first laid eyes on the giant Pinhead cardboard cutout my dad put in our basement. (I was 7 or so, it was kind of traumatizing). The ultra-grotesque demononic mutilation scenes were pretty rad, but there weren't enough of them. It was slow at parts but good wholesome fun otherwise. And It made me be sure to re-evaluate my interest in extreme BDSM before I touch a rubik's cube again anytime soon.

Holy fuck bro.

Leaving for london on the 17th, where a lot of fun will be had. If this turns into a generic "OMG I'm going aBroAd!!1" type blog, you will have permission to shoot me. But hopefully that won't be the case.

Yeeyuh.

Expect semi-regular updates again.